a serious story & a silly photo
This new moon love letter brings 2 things to light:
~ a dispatch from the experiences of an assertive woman (me), with an important lesson that I learned
~ a peek at what I believe is the most absurd photo ever taken of me
These 2 things are pretty diametrically opposed, and that's intentional, because:
~ I'm a super intentional person.
~ I value a space that holds the totality of one's experience.
Life is all the things all the time. I don't believe that we have to choose. In fact, we're meant NOT to choose.
I could go ON about all my thoughts in regards to that, but it's far easier to remind you that I'm creating an online community specifically to hold a space for totality of experience—where we don't choose choice parts, or cut ourselves off from the fullness of our experiences.
It's called The Spiral, and I'm really excited about it! If you missed the previous love letter, you can get some back story there.
First, the dispatch:
I'm sharing this because the bigger context, that I'm holding for myself and for The Spiral.
I'm NOT sharing because I want you to get supercharged about misogynists in my inbox. So, please consider that the CN.
A few months ago, I posted on FB about a charged topic. I was scared to do it, but I believe in speaking up about the things that matter to you.
Anyways, the comments of this post turned into a bit of a #metoo space, as myself and some other women addressed toxic and abusive behavior from a specific person, whom I named. It was really inspiring to witness, as I knew some of these women had never advocated for themselves in this way. It was also inspiring to witness support from others.
Then, something in the nature of a glitch in the matrix—because I blocked him years ago—allowed this person to get into the comments and get passive-aggressive.
It was annoying. I responded firmly, and he didn't continue commenting.
Instead, he messaged me repeatedly, with multiple threats to sue me for defamation. I think he was just overly titillated by Depp v Heard—because subsequent paragraphs made it clear that he doesn't actually know the definition of defamation.
Also—because threats of legal action weren't enough for his intimidation—he reported the post as hate speech.
Highly inflammatory is an understatement. I. was. FURIOUS.
Nevertheless, I ignored him. (And blocked him, again.)
It takes a LOT of energy not to hurl expletives at a man who's publicly insulting me and privately threatening me.
If you've dealt with this kind of situation, you know how taxing it is. The threats were absurd, but my rage was REAL.
And here's the thing: I don't want to squander my energy and time on hostile, useless conversations. I want my boundaries to be better supported, so that I can express what matters, directing my energy in meaningful ways.
Yes, lots of people have it far worse than I do, and handle their trolls consistently. For me, living with chronic pain, life is far too precious to maintain grace around toxic people. I'd simply prefer to be present elsewhere.
This is a huge reason why I'm creating The Spiral—because I want to have a space to discuss things that matter. Where people co-create a container that holds like-minded folks, but doesn't slide into being an echo chamber.
I have lots of details to share, but they're not in this love letter. Just hit reply and I'll send 'em your way.
Now, the photo:
This is a crop of what I think is my most ridiculous photo. (The quality is poor because it's a phone photo of a printed photo, sorry.)
I'm including it because it's a preview of a metaphor coming up in the next love letter.
But that really is me, at 10 years old, dressed as a character from a fairy tale.
That tale will be the topic of the next love letter.
For now, I hope you get a chuckle, as well as a sense of the space that The Spiral will be. I'm here for the totality of experience, which means all of this is completely on topic in the same letter.
Reply if you want more info. Or if you want to field a guess about the character.
Peace,
S.
--
Siderealchemy
she / they