grief is sacred resistance
This is a love letter about grief. A brief missive, because my thoughts about grief are far too big for one email. This is the abbreviated version.
I don't know about you, but I'm struggling. I've never had frequent or recurring nightmares, but for the last few years I have nightmares pretty regularly. I can only get news updates for short periods, because I often get nauseous.
I've been struggling to write these love letters. It's hard for me to find meaning and purpose, witnessing horrific things all over the world.
Which is exactly why I have a grief practice. Because I need to move this energy, so I'm not immobilized by despair.
Part of that work has been co-leading Sacred Grief Circles with my friend and colleague Kelbi, who's an herbalist and healer. There are some themes that come up every time, such as the fact that we live in a grief-phobic culture, where people constantly want you to calm down and not be so upset for such a long time.
So, Kelbi and I hold a different space. One where people aren't rushed and no one has to calm down. No one is too upset for this space.
Because capitalism and white supremacy need you to calm down and pull yourself together, asap. Because you need to go to work, asap.
Capitalism and white supremacy need you to deny, ignore, and invalidate your humanity, all for the sake of profit.
And so, Kelbi and I hold a circle. A space for a human pace. People come in carrying a LOT. It's powerful to support people sharing things they often don't feel safe sharing elsewhere.
(Also, if you're familiar with Prolonged Grief Disorder and the DSM, you surely know already that I have THOUGHTS, which couldn't fit here. But this is absolutely driving my grief work.)
Another pattern I've noticed, that isn't part of the facilitation, is how people tend to leave. If you've been wary of grief spaces, you might expect people to feel heavier, at a space where everyone shares about grief.
But actually, people tend to leave smiling. Me and Kelbi included.
I share this not as a guaranteed experience. Definitely not as a "Come to this space, you'll feel better by the end!" vibe.
But as a reminder that when we hold space for genuine expression, we often feel better.
I'm sharing this as encouragement to find your own grief rituals, living through brutal things all the time. If you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're struggling to show up—that all makes sense. You're in your humanity.
And your humanity needs you not to obey the grief-phobic, grief-denying churn of capitalism and white supremacy. Who you are—who you truly are—is deeply needed.
Do what you need to stay in your humanity.
The next Sacred Grief Circle is Monday, April 21st.
(It's slightly shorter than the ones on Sundays, since it's happening on a weeknight, and the group will be slightly smaller.)
All the details are here. Limited space, sliding scale.
Other events in April, all by donation:
~ (this) Wednesday the 9th – Ambient Instrument Jam
~ Monday the 14th – Soundbath at Pine Lake
~ Monday the 23rd – Soundbath on the Screen Porch
~ Monday the 30th – Soundbath on the Screen Porch
All are welcome.
With care,
S.
she/they
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